From Wit’s End

Three days after I saw “Cast Away”, while riding the informational surf, I came in with the tide onto the beach of someone else’s island. (to serve as a sail, though I didn’t know it at the time.)

She was the only one I had encountered thus far that was even remotely worth responding to. The evening I discovered her ad, I could not get to sleep until two o’clock in the morning. I laid on my bed, strung out on endorphins, pondering the existence of such an improbable person, hoping that she was for real, and looking forward to talking with her. For about three days I meditated at this crossroads in the middle of the desert like Tom Hanks’ character in “Cast Away”, mostly knowing already which road I would take. I had prepared a personal ad of my own, but had not seen a reason to actually post it anywhere. Upon finding “Ruth” (the headline of her ad was “Ruth seeking Boaz”), though, I immediately posted it on the same website and used it to reply to her ad.

I felt a silent and subconscious vexation, the source of which I could not put my finger on. On Saturday January 6th, I went to see the movie “Cast Away”. After recounting his feelings of isolation and struggles with despair, Tom Hanks’ character spoke my thoughts:

“Because I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there– Totally alone… I had power over nothing. And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow I had to keep breathing, even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said I would never see this place again. So that’s what I did: I stayed alive, I kept breathing. And then one day that logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail…”

In seeking to calm this mysterious vexation, I thought perhaps it would be at least cathartic to witness the desperation of others (ah, the humanity…) . So for a week or so, I resorted to surfing internet personal ads in the evenings.