At last, the rampart finally collapsed when i realized that i didn't have to go out to do something if I didn’t want to. My evenings were fairly busy, and I was still in the process of trying to recover the energy I once had. Tuesdays I went to a small group Bible study with about eight people in it, Wednesdays I went to church choir practice for two hours, and Thursdays I went to a larger Bible Study for singles in my church. But every Thursday night I would be totally exhausted and stressed, because of all the things I wanted to do during the week but didn’t make time for. So I stopped going to the larger Bible Study. I felt dispensed. Thursdays were free and so was i. I began to understand that it is better to be involved with people, rather than just be involved with events during the week, and that is what I have tried to do ever since.
The sky is falling, the sky is...
not falling?!
It is so thrilling not to be sad! In fact, i find that the door to happiness
is easier to open than ever; too many times before i have chosen the door to sorrow,
because the other door was heavy enough to seem locked. I know the choice is always
there, but it has been a long time since i was last strong enough to open the better
door. I struggled with certain aspects of my health this fall and was happy anyway,
but only when i chose to be...
In the fall, after I moved
back into my parents’ house, i would cringe inwardly for a few moments every day,
wondering if this would be the day my mood would tank. Having gone to College in
Western Pennsylvania, i had gotten used to the rising tide of melancholy that
overwhelmed me every year around the time the clocks are set back in the fall.
But this year it didn't come. For all of you friends of mine who have recommended
to me that i should live in a more southern climate, let me take this space here
to say that you were right and i was stubbornly wrong when i protested otherwise.
It would seem that presently i am not built to live happily anywhere it gets cold
and dark for extended periods of time. So i won't, unless it becomes necessary to
do otherwise. Meanwhile, for the sake of those of you who live north of the
Mason-Dixon line, the north is a nice place to visit, but for the sake of you
Southerners, i wouldn't want to live there!
The next weekend, that of September 15th, my small group Bible study took a
camping trip up to West Virginia. We staked our claim on the farm of the family
of one of our band, and had a blast the entire weekend. Good food, charades, inside
jokes, and good company were all there in abundance. On Saturday, we saw the New
River Bridge and hiked a trail nearby that took us through the site of an abandoned
coal mine which had been turned into a State park. Hard pieces of coal were just
laying on the ground, and i picked up about a handful's worth to burn in the fire
that night. At the top of the trail, there
was a long flight of steps
down to the bank of the New River. As we walked down those 800+ steps, there were
moments that i just wanted to throw myself down and roll down the steps just to
break the monotony. I didn't give in, of course, but it was a strange sensation.
We rested at the bottom on some